Author: pgentle7

Endurance Tutoring

When he messages, I get excited. This guy never responds unless he is free. Tonight, he is on campus.

First session

I first met him almost a year ago. The shy, 22 year old student from Taiwan invited me over one morning in late April. All of his roommates has already moved out, so he had the place free.

“I’m very sensitive,” he warned me, as he sat on the bed and I knelt before him. His small cock was mouth sized, and I couldn’t resist playing with it with my tongue. In seconds, he gasped and his penis erupted in delicious mouthful of load.

“Wow you weren’t kidding. Next time I’ll go slower,” I told him as I stood up to leave. But he moved away shortly after.

Second session

We would not meet again until September. He had upgraded accommodations, with hardwood floors and a white leather couch in the spacious living room. While he was in the kitchen getting me a bottle of Dasani, I played with my phone. When he got back, I threw it down on the glass coffee table. The stopwatch flicking by second. “We’re going to go at least five minutes,” I told him.

“Ok.” he said. This time he had his laptop beside him. While he was distracted finding porn, it became easier to make him last. I danced my tongue around his balls and the side of his cock, never near the head, and never wrapping my lips around it entirely.

After barely a minute went by, his face contorted. “Uhh.. uh!” I immediately stopped and watched him. People that cum quickly have an incredible ability. He clenched every muscle of his body, and with great effort, heaved a sigh, having held back his orgasm through willpower alone.

“Very good!” I waved toward the counting digits on my phone. “We’re almost there.” Still, I focused lower down his nuts, until he shifted his ass off the leather couch up at me, allowing me to lick him while he watched his porn.

When the timer beeped, he almost jumped up in surprise. I reached behind me to stop it, while still gazing up at him. “Amazing job, see you made it!” I told him. Then I slurped up his penis, massaging it with my tongue. He gave a shocked high pitch yelp. He dug his elbows into the couch cushion and gasped, bucking his hips only three times before ejaculating his thick pent-up load into my tongue. It filled my mouth enough to slosh around, and I knew that I had a new favourite person.

Final exam

So yeah, I’m pretty excited to see him again as I walk down the hallway of the nature building at the University. A man in a cleaning uniform pushes a floor sweeping machine across the shiny linoleum. I wait for him to turn the corner before I knock on the door of the tutorial centre.

At night, the main lights are off, and six half-cubicles line the walls. My host ushers me inside. “My friend left. We should be alone, “ he says. He looks around furtively, then rolls a second chair over to the workstation furthest from the door. “We should go here.”

He sets up his laptop, moving the power brick over to the desk, and I crouch down beside his chair. We’re hidden from the door by the cubical wall separating the stalls, but if anyone takes more than a few steps into the room, they will see us. “Yeah, that’s perfect. If anyone comes, I’ll jump up and pretend we’re working.”

He sits down and slides down his pants, exposing his 4” stiff cock to me, then turns sideways to his laptop. Knowing I have a few seconds while he is distracted, I give his cock a wet sloppy lick, feeling the ridge of the head against my tongue, and the small bump where the skin uniquely puckers and enters the urethra. That part is probably too sensitive, but I just wanted to poke my tongue tip into it and lick up all of his musky scent.

Instead, I rub my cheeks into his soft fuzz, nuzzling his cock against the side of my nose and near my eye. I turn and see Asian men on the laptop screen. One is fingering the other’s pixelated puckered asshole.

We watch it together as I slowly dance my tongue up and down either side of his cock and all over his balls. I do slow laps around his private organs. Whenever I  get to the tip, he  gasps with pleasure and shifts his hips.

His face is slick with perspiration as he looks down into my eyes. “I want to cum now.”

I smile and at long last, engulf his dick fully between my lips, applying a light suction. He suddenly bucks up against the chair, crying out quick high-pitched moans of pleasure that echos off the walls of the empty room. He lets out a long falsetto gasp as he slammed his groin upward into my face and unleashes his load. It seemed to gush out forever, and I almost choke as some gets into my throat before I can swallow.

Finally his orgasm subsides. Standing up, I swallow and point to the clock. “That was 15 minutes,” I tell him. “You get 99%”

I feel sorry about my bad joke as he looks genuinely shocked and disappointed. “But sir, why not one hundred?”

“Maybe next time!”

Pumping at the Gas Bar

He couldn’t host and he was at work. It wasn’t going to happen.

“I wish you could just come here and suck me off in the back room :),” he texted me. I guess that he must work in retail.

“Well, is there a slow period?” I ask.

“Haha, the hole day. I work at a gas station. So it’s like 20 mins of nothing and then a customer lol”

Sounds like fun, but there are probably cameras everywhere.

“It’s my dad’s store and I know where the cameras are lol.”

A few minutes later I’m driving up some back country roads in the middle of nowhere towards the Google map pin. I come up to a run down gas station and convenience store. Two gruff guys are walking out back to their cars. I park at the German restaurant across the street.

I put my hand on the door, take a deep breath and pull it open.

At the counter, the tall 20 year old Persian man is counting change into the cash register. He is well groomed and wears expensive white pants and a sweater. According to his profile, he actually lives in Toronto. He belongs at a downtown club, not in a back-country gas station.  He turns to me and I flash my phone. He smiles nervously. “Back there,” he says, pointing to the corner of the store.

Refrigerators are filled with Cola and energy drinks. At the end, a cheap wooden door opens into darkness. It’s the bathroom. The cash register clangs shut, and the guy looks to the opposite corner of the store. There, a camera hangs from the ceiling, aimed at the cash. The bathroom is out of its view.

I walk past the aisles of chips and step in to the small dark room. The only light comes from the open door, reflected off of the glass panels of the drink coolers just outside. The toilet rim is covered in dried piss and dust. A cheap plastic shelf on the wall in front of it holds sponges and Ajax and cleaning supplies.

He steps in without turning on the light, and stands with his back to the wall just beside the doorway.

“Shall we close it?” I ask him, reaching for the door. Anyone that wants to buy a Dr. Pepper would see us.

He grabs my arm. “No, I need to hear the customers,” he tells me. I settle down and and he lowers his pristine white pants. His cock pops up.

“Oh wow,” I exclaim. His cut penis is about 7 inches long and thick as a broom handle.

When I close my mouth around it, he immediately starts to whisper to me his pleasure. “Oh yeah, man that’s good, suck my cock, fuck it feels so good..”

It is good. Remembering what I have learned before, I quickly make it as wet as I can, before sliding my lips down the shaft. When it enters my throat I’m surprised by how easy it is. Somehow, the shape of its soft head and his height is perfect for me, and I can slide it into my throat until I can’t hold my breath anymore. When I pull it back out, it is slick with wetness. I plunge down again and he gasps.

“Oh my god yesss THAT feels so good keep doing it suck my cock oh yeah oh fuck,” he keeps up the banter as he dick stabs into my throat again and again. He reaches behind himself and firmly grabs my hand, places it onto his ass cheek. I squeeze it and use it as leverage to pull myself toward him.

Suddenly his body stiffens and he pulls away. He stuffs his penis back in his pants and buttons them up without bothering with the fly. then he bolts from the open door of the bathroom. “Hey sorry, I’m here!” he tells the confused customer who has wandered in.

I stand up in the darkness and retreat further. What if the customer wants to use the bathroom? Or buys a Dr. Pepper?

Standing there alone in the dark bathroom with the cleaning supplies, I decide that I am definitely going to write about this one.

I hear the front door creak again as it closes and footsteps as my host bolts back into the bathroom. He quickly pulls down his pants again and wordlessly juts his dick out at me. We quickly pick up where we left off and again he starts the constant stream of half-whispered encouragement. “Fuuuck yeah that feels so good, so good, you suck my dick, oh fuuck…”

As I go his back is sliding further down the plywood wall as he shifts his body to direct me to the right part of his substantial shaft. “Oh yeah right there keep doing it, keep going it feels sooo good..” he utters.

Seconds later I feel his left hand on my hair, pressing me down, and I hear a loud thump as his head hits back against the wall. “Unnnnghhhh,” he moans loudly as a wave of pleasure grips his body. I taste the sweetness of his semen as it shoots out and coats my the inside of my mouth. Three, four, five pulses, and still he presses me too him long after he is done, still moaning in pleasure. I take it as a sign that I don’t need to immediately pull away, as I do with some men.

“Oh my god that was awesome!” he says, staring down at me, eyes wide in genuine surprise. “Fuck!” His phone is ringing now, and he lets go of my head and reaches into his pocket to get it.

“Yeah. Yeah. Ok Bye.”

But whoever it is isn’t letting him go.

“Yeah. Yeah…” he keeps saying.

His cock is still rock hard and deep in my mouth. I apply pressure, being careful not to rub it even the slightest, just letting his cum drain out and mix with my saliva. Inside I’m grinning mischievously wondering who he is talking to.

“Yeah I will. OK bye. Uh uh. Uh uh…”

As he tries to end the call I gaze up at him. When he catches my eye, he smirks at me conspiratorially, enjoying the novelty of standing there on the phone in dark bathroom, with his cumming cock buried in some guys face.

“OK Bye.” Finally he stabs the phone button and ends the call. As he straightens up, his dick plops out of my mouth.

“That was just in time,” he tells me as he reaches across the bathroom to grab a paper towel. “It was my dad. He’s on his way over.” He’s wiping down his balls.

“Ok. I’ll be on my way than. That was exciting.”

“Yeah,” he says.

But his eyes say get the fuck out.

A Morning with Two Tops

My old buddy, Jay, is single again, I think. He’s been appearing on the Grindr grid a lot recently. Two years ago, I visited his apartment often. He has a beautiful cock and knows how to use it, mercilessly holding down my face and fucking deeply every time.  When I see in his profile that he wants a bj, its with some excitement that I message him.

“Sorry just jerked off,” comes the reply.

Ah well. But someone else has texts me. A kinky guy with his own apartment. I’d seen him last Friday. In his bathroom, I had demonstrated my trick of downing his golden shower straight from the tap.

“Hey man, would you be interested to blow me and a buddy this morning?”

YES.

“OK, we will hop in the shower – should be ready in 10-15 minutes.”

A few minutes later I’m at the apartment building. His room door is cracked open, so I open without knocking. My kinky host wears nothing but a towel. The young professional is in his late 20s and his eyes are full of excitement as I drop my coat on the floor. He leads me through the kitchen of the studio apartment.

“After the shower we got cold, so we got started already.”

“Long time no see.” My jaw drops. My brown friend Jay, who claimed he had “just jerked off” sheepishly peeks out at me from under the blanket. The coincidences are too strange. The two men didn’t know it, but they had both indulged my piss fantasies. But today we were doing something different.

Mark, our host, is obviously unaware of our history.

“Why don’t you come up here and suck us both,” he says. Jay flings off the comforter to let him in the bed, and I see two sets of hairy legs pointed at me, one with brown skin and the other white. It’s clear that Mark’s cock bigger. It’s  thick too, like a ridiculously sized dildo. Eyes locked on his face, I crawl up to his massive balls and give them a lick. He hands a bottle of poppers to Jay. I gently lick the foreskin around tip of his monster member, and taste his wet sticky precum already. I can’t help slurping it in, feeling the slickness of every last drop on my tongue, just as I when I visited him on Friday.

“You better suck him now.” He pushes my head aside toward the brown dick.

Oh yeah, the poppers must be kicking in, and we have to take advantage of them. I jump right in – I can’t help it – two hands are pushing me down, and I feel his cock bump against my tonsils, bend, and then under the pressure suddenly spring down into my throat. I feel his hands on my head and his but lifts off the bed. Jay gleefully shoves his cockhead all the way in, even as I struggle to breath.  I remember this! I know what he wants – he has to fuck my throat, hit that one spot that makes him feel good. I reach around and squeeze his tight butt cheek, so small it fits in my hand, and help him thrust up into my face.

I can’t lift my eyes to look, but I can hear the muffled moans as two tops are are kissing passionately.

“No no, be rough with him. Not me!” Mark says.

“Sorry,” Jay says, and grabs my head in both hands, and while fucking it, bends me sideways, planting my ear on Mark’s leg.  His hard cock rams into my molars, but he doesn’t care. He shoves it until it bends into my throat again. I gag, something I haven’t done in a long time.

I feel like I’ve been neglecting Mark, but I haven’t had a choice.

“What do you say we get him to lie back and face fuck him,” Mark suggests after watching and stroking himself.

“Sure,” sighs Jay, and reluctantly releases me. I gasp, sucking oxygen into my deprived lungs.

They get out of the bed and I lay back, head hanging off the bed, and Mark immediately positions himself over my face. I see his ballsack hanging down and he holds his cock to put it into my facehole.

Our host moans as he uses my mouth to pleasure himself. He goes slowly, letting me take breaths. Upside down between his hairy thighs, I see Jay saunter up, grab his cock, and press it into Mark’s butt. I’m getting the best view.

Immediately Mark’s already thick cock stiffens in my mouth, and he gasps. In moments, he seems ready to burst, but stops himself, and pulls out.

“Your turn,” he gasps, hand around his dick as he steps aside.

“You’re way too gentle,” says Jay. “I know him. He likes it. Here, let me show you.”

I see a pair of hairy brown legs get in front of me. He thrusts his long brown cock through my lips, and pushes in. Once again I feel it bump my tonsils, bend, and then slip into my throat. Lying face up, it goes in much farther this time and immediately I can’t breath again. And then I feel his hand grip the underside of my jaw, roughly holding my head steady as he presses himself in even further. I’m being strangled, but I’m so turned on I don’t care. His balls flatten against my nose. His cock fills my throat and I know if I try to breath I will gag immediately, so I just stare at the underside of his ass.

“You like it like that. Don’t you!” he says, as he starts to thrust in and out.

But it is too deep. Suddenly I panic. I’m drowning. I reach out and shove him. My airways are free, and I want to breath again. Instead, my gut churns and I heave. I’m spun around now, and a puddle of thick clear liquid lies on the hardwood floor under me. I lay there gasping. Someone throws a towel on me, and when I wipe my eyes, I hear the shower running and Mark is getting some paper towels from the kitchen.

“Sorry! I’m so sorry,” I say. I clean myself off with the towel and awkwardly get up. I feel terrible, like I’ve just dumped my dinner on the floor at a restaurant, and all I can do is helplessly watch as our host cleans. The bathroom is just around the corner, so I go there to escape. Jay is already in the shower, so I hop in beside him, and wash off the sweat and mucous. Even after the embarrassment, I can feel myself getting hard again as I am standing beside Jay’s thin athletic body, and I want desperately to touch him as he scrubs his ass with soap.

When we get out, Mark has cleaned up the mess and is already wearing a white bathrobe. I just want to salvage the threesome. “I think we can keep going,” I say tentatively.

They look at each-other. Then Mark looks down at himself, and slowly slips off the bathrobe. His cock juts out. “I game,” he says grinning, and I can’t help but chuckle.

We all leap into bed again. The bedding is soft against my freshly showered skin. Mark lays there, slowly jerking and Jay is beside him. They turn to each other and kiss. I put my hand on Marks and remove it from his cock as I take over with my mouth. He moans as I slowly work my lips over it from his balls to the tip, and then start to pump my head up and down. I hear him breathing loudly through his nose as his lips are pressed against Jay’s. Suddenly he gives a great moan and his thick member unleashes a geyser of cum up into my mouth. I seal my lips around it as it pulses and I manage to down it all. Only a single white drop escapes and drips down onto his balls. When he is done I lick that up too.

I turn to Jay and he is staring at me, eyes wide as he strokes himself. He is in the midst of an orgasm and three streaks of cum are already leading up to his dark brown nipples.

“Um, you know he swallows, right?” Mark says.

Jay collapses back onto the pillows, “Fuck me! Yeah I guess I forgot.”

“Well now you know for next time.” I say, wiping my lips with my wrist.

Make out

I meet him by the fountain. The 18 year old is out-of-Africa black. I promised him we’d make out and a blowjob. Right away we both head toward the direction of my favourite campus bathroom.

“You’ve been here before, eh?” I ask.

“Yeah. Do you work here?” His deep voice drips with an African accent that I’d only heard in movies.

“I work close by,” I tell him. I follow him down the stairs and we both slip into the bathroom. He locks the door behind us and turns to me. As he comes up to me, I can tell that he’s a good three inches taller than me.

He takes the lead, bends down and presses his lips to mine. They are plump and soft, and he kisses with a soft gentleness at first, barely opening his mouth. I feel his hand reaching behind my back under my shirt, caressing me. I do the same, reaching under his sweater, running my hands along his back. His hands venture lower, slip into my pants. I’m overjoyed to do the same, feeling all the hills and valley of his tight butt, and slowly venturing under, where I feel his wiry pubes. As we kiss, I slowly lower his jeans until they are only half covering his butt cheeks. With great interest, I caress the front of his pelvis, and slide my hand down his penis, finally wrapping my fingers around it. They do not close – I realize with excitement it is about the same thickness as my arm.

He stops kissing me. “Take off yo shirt,” he commands. I raise my arms as he carefully lifts my T-Shirt and tosses it into the corner. Then, without hesitation, he reaches down and undoes my belt. My jeans slip down and he grabs my cock in his hand and starts to stroke it. “Oh yeah,” I moan, letting out a sigh as I lean my head back and shut my eyes. That’s when he leans down and plants his lips on mine again. He thrusts himself forward and my back hits the cold tiles on the wall, knocking the wind out of me.

He is breathing hard now through his nose, and our lips are locked together. His tongue bursts through my lips, then withdraws, and thrusts forward again. I cannot move. His whole body is pressed against mine, and his large hands are gripping my ass. I feel his hard cock through his pants, and his finger slips into my ass, poking my tight hole, forcing its way inside.

My hand is also gripped around his cock. I pull up and with great difficulty it pops out of his pants. It rests on my abdomen for all of two seconds before he starts to thrust into me. The thing is like a third arm between us, rolling against my rib cage, almost reaching my nipple. But there is little I can do but succumb as he invades my mouth with his tongue.

He stops to catch his breath, gently kissing my neck, and I can finally open my eyes and drink in the perfect body of the black teenager who’s groping me. I run my hand up his penis. “Can I put it in my mouth?”

He smiles and nods, finally releasing me. I drop down to my knees before him. Even though it’s hard, his cock still hangs down under its weight. The end is cut and shaped like a missile, cleaved in half by his giant piss slit. I open my lips and press forward, and I feel it bump against my throat. I’m looking straight down a tree trunk, at his tiny black curls, and realizing that I’ve only just got the head in. It fills my mouth completely although I have opened as wide as I can. I’ve only once before been granted the privilege of sucking such a massive member, though it required him to do most of the thrusting. I tentatively try moving it in and out, feeling like a python trying to swallow a jeep.

“Just a minute,” he says, and moves away. He stands in front of the bathroom mirror a moment, seemingly lost in thought. Then he turns to me and I almost have to duck.

“What time did you say you have to go?”

“11:40,” I answered, not sure what time it was. “But I’m OK to stay a little.”

He kneels down and pulls his phone out of his jeans on the floor, then barely glances at it. “Actually, I have to go,” he announces.

“Oh, sure.” I’m disappointed. I can’t help but stare in amazement as gets dressed and casually tucks his manhood down the inside of his left pant leg with practiced ease.

Well, he was a good kisser.

Strip Club

I show up with my friend at the Garage on Church in Toronto on #FriskyFriday. My friend doesn’t drink, so I have a couple of beers while he enjoys some chicken fingers basted in suicide hot sauce. Frisky friday featured a couple of drag performers, but we quickly grew bored of them.

On my phone I Google “Strip clubs” and that a place called Flash is practically next store, so we pay our bill and leave.

We walk through the doors and immediately see a nude dancer on stage. The guard smiles and feigns blocking our view, motioning to the desk where we have to pay $5 to get in.

A performer is on stage, stroking his hopelessly soft dick. He’s bathed in red green and purple laser lights that highlight his solid abs, and he moves them smoothly to the music. He lays back and fucks the air before leaping up and gyrating around the pole.

“Just get some ginger ale for me, would you?” my friend says as I walk to the back of the place for some beer. There’s a line. Just as the bartender is pouring it my friend comes running up to me, panic in his eyes.

“Save me!” He says.

“What?”

“Did you see what happened?”

“No..”

Turns out that he had been propositioned immediately. A shirtless guy had introduced himself has Kevin, put my friend’s hand down his pants, licked his ear and asked if he wanted to fuck.

This place is a lot more interesting than the Garage!

One thing about the performers though, they are all soft! A dark skinned man with Jamaican hair performs. He has a small body, but is very strong. He pulls himself up the pole with one arm, suspended in the air. He dances, looking at me in the eye as he slowly pulls down his underwear, stroking his soft cock.

Soon he disappears and my friend and I discuss who is our favourite. We are complete opposites. He likes hairy white guys. We make a pact – we will both go to see what goes in on the back room.

The Jamaican comes up to me unexpectedly and my eyes light up, glued to his body. If you’ve been reading my adventures, you know that I can never resist Black. He notices and sits down beside me, caressing my arm like we’re old friends. “Wow, I was nervous up there! It feels like it was my first night, though I’ve been here three weeks.”

“Well, it’s my first time at a gay strip club. Anyway you were quite good,” I tell him. “I really liked it…”

“Really?” he says, moving closer to me.

“Actually, I’ve been wondering what goes on in those back rooms…”

“Only one way to find out,” he says grinning.

Right away, my friend, ever dutiful, spouts, “You should take him, you are his favourite!”

I nodd, setting down my beer. “Yeah, lets go.”

“Great!” the man says. “I just need to check in with the DJ.”

I follow him to the DJ’s closet and wait beside as he chats a bit. Two other shirtless performers move close to me but I motion that I’ve already made my choice. Then he comes out and leads me to the back. We go through the wooden doorway to the hallway full of stalls, past a sign that says it is $20 per dance.

“One please!” I said, going in feeling drunk and elated. “Just a taste, I’ve always been curious what happens in the back.”

“Sure.” He locks the door and turns to me. “Have you ever been with a guy?”

“Sure, a few on Grindr,” I say.

“What do you like to do?’

“Oral only…. Bottoming mostly. Orally.” I tell him. Apparently when I’m drunk I’m super obvious about everything.

“Oh wow, good to know…” he says, pulling me closer to him. My sweatered chest is up against his naked pecs, and I feel his cock, still soft but substantial nonetheless, up against my jeans.

I run my hands around his back and squeeze his butt. It feels like I could just slip my hands inside his expensive briefs, but I hold myself back, unsure of how far I’m allowed to go, what I’m allowed to do.

“That was one song,” he said, looking into my eyes mournfully.

Holy crap. “Well I guess I can go for TWO then,” I say. “Maybe you can move it around near my face or something.” I sit down.

He smiles and reaches a thumb under his underwear, gyrating his hips to the music. Somehow, as the music speeds up, it becomes clear than that he has a hardon, the first I’ve seen in this place.

I feel entitled, a little miffed that I’ve now spent 40 bucks to see this through his underwear, so I’m brazen. “Wow, I didn’t see that on stage!”

“Oh man I know, I wish!” he said. “But you get to see it here though. Yeah, I’m a grower!”

He isn’t kidding. He skillfully lowers his underwear just a little while I listen to the music. Is this still the same song? I can’t tell… I’m just mesmerized by his dancing. But he seems distracted now. This is not as fun as when I was pressed up against him, so why not?

I stand up again, embrace him and again we are grinding together. I gently kiss his shoulder, not wanting to push my luck with anything further. But I feel my hands move over his massive cock on their own. He is pushing his underwear down further for me.

“I haven’t been this hard at work before, so there you go.” he tells me in amazement.

I’m sitting down again on the bench, so I can get full view of my prize. And it is there, in full glory, a massive hardon. I tentatively move my hands over it, grasping it lightly, moving my hands over its huge head.

“So how well can you suck cock?” he asks me.

“Oh, I’m pretty good,” I say. But I’m not sure if this is an invitation. Maybe he’s making lighthearted conversation. What are the damn rules? For now I grasp it,

A single drop of wetness wells up in his slit as I slowly move it forward into my mouth, not touching it as he gazes down at me, muscles tensed in anticipation.

Suddenly I realize the song has ended.

“How many songs has it been?” I ask him.

“Four,” he says automatically.

Holy shit, was he just gonna let me go broke? “Well, that’s probably enough for tonight!” I tell him, reaching for my coat on the bench.

“Oh–” he says dejectedly. Then regaining his composure, suddenly he’s all business. “Do you need an ATM?”

“No, no I should be fine, I say, drunkenly rifling through my bills, the first two of which are only fives. “Do I pay you directly then?”

“Let’s make it 60.” he says.

“Yeah, yeah, great!” I tell him. I can’t wait to tell my friend what happened. But when I get there he’s gone. Oh shit, he’s not gonna know they don’t tell you when songs end… I hope he’s ok…

But after a minute my friend returns through the crowd.

“Where were you,” I ask, “Did you go with your favourite?”

“I was just in the bathroom,” he says. “When you left they kept coming over, so I went there to hide! But when I saw your guy come in I knew you were done.”

“Really?” I say. “That doesn’t make sense, he couldn’t have gone to the bathroom so quickly!”

“Yup he must have liked you, he was totally jerking off in there!”

No shit.